she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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