I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
