Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He did a backflip because drugs
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