Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
