she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
