Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
