i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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