There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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