After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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