Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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