Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
