if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
