I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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