dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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