In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
