We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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