I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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