Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
