Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
