Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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