I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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