oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize