She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
