You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
