Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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