Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
