UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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