It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
