apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
whose ass print is on the piano?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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