and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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