You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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