I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
