dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
