Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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