hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
