Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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