So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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