I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
