remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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