just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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