just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
