Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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