is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
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