So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
