i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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