Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
