Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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