So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Randomize
