I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize