I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
