ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
