I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Randomize
