She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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