Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
