youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
