hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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