Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
