The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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