I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i out mim tonsoeep
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