My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
my liver is dry heaving
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
