I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
