She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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