ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
