Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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