Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
