is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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