Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
