Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
