It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
