Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
