BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize