Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
