there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
