Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
