i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
