dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i came on her dog
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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