If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
