remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
