I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
