Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
