I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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