I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
