I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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