Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
