id be glad to
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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