THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize