I skipped work to stalk him.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
