Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I think people are normalizing furries
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
