First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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