Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize