I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
