Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
