My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
