so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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