Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
