did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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