Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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