my sisters under your porch take her home
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
