I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
