Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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